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Joe Suff Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Joe Suff" journal:

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November 20th, 2011
08:55 am

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Positively vexed
I think that I enjoy doing this to myself more than anything. The timing seems about right. It's winter time and so, yep, of course, I feel this way. I am in like with a girl... It's not that I planned it, but, it sort of just happened. I can picture other people doing some crazy things and using the same excuse and my judgementally rolling my eyes at the absurdity. This girl, I will call her Blue Eyes because she has some of the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Let me tell you about this girl. She is a very talented writer. She writes for the Aggie Statesmen. She also works as an editor for poems. She has a passion for life and I am very drawn to that..., well, actually, it's more that I am drawn to her. Oh, did I mention that for a 19 year old, she's politically savvy and aware of current events? Yeah. She isn't just smart, but, it just seems that she's so prenaturally wise. Wow, right? Blue Eyes is ... beautiful. I can feel my insecurities creeping up on me. Bah! I am not going to do what I've done so many times before. She just has so much to say, and the truth is that I really want to hear it. She's the kind of girl that I can picture myself listening to for hours. At any rate, it feels good to just let it out. I am going to ask Blue Eyes on a date. If she's not interested in me, then, well, at least I know. It's the not knowing how she feels is what kills me. You know even if she's not looking for a romantic relationship, I will ... accept that graciously. Well, I will let you know either way.

Current Location: Downstairs
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: The quiet hum of the computer in my bedroom

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October 20th, 2011
11:26 pm

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When one door shuts another one opens
My friends and other people who think I am cool, but, we never manage to hang out. What is the deal with this, people? It does not compute. If it were an error message on the computer it would be, "Error 404 Page Not Found!". This is mainly because that message is pretty cool. It is second to the Wet Floor guy who really looks like he is getting ready to tell everyone that disco is coming back and it's time for all of us to break down, get down with our badselves, break it down like a fraction and other 1970's jive that just ain't right. I am pretty hyped on sugar, especially since I have been on a diet that I have managed to depart from temporarily, but extremely. I ate two Charleston Chews, a whole Snickers bar, and part of the Starbursts package. It's crazy, I know. I blame Marie Hall. Her present for my 27th birthday was very sweet, but, too sweet. I ate it and now I am hyped on sugar. Just in case you didn't know, she was the one who got me that sweet delicious candy.

In January and February, I dated this sweet girl from Cuba named Laura. She was such a great girlfriend. A complete and total sweetheart. I cared for her, I really liked her, but, I was never in love with her. I thought that I was and I even told her that I loved her, but, the truth is that I never really did love her. She and I got along so well. She understood me so well. Laura was such a great cook, and those who know me that my parents love cooking. She is from Cuba and spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish, not fluently, but, enough to get by pretty decently. She played the violin so very well and had a passion for the gospel. On paper, this girl should have been perfect for me, but, life doesn't work by paper and love involves hearts. Mine wasn't there. I just did not love her. This was hard on me, and more so on her and my friends who adored, rightfully so, Laura. I broke up with her by the beginning of March.

After I broke up with Laura, I let myself slip into some bad habits. I fell further into worse patterns of destructive and selfish behavior. I have now repented fully of that and I feel like my past life is in the past. I feel my life heading into a wonderful place. Do I deserve it? No, God is just so merciful, and I love Him all the more for it. I have been going to the gym, going to work, which has been a great blessing for me. I feel more energized and uplifted. I've been keeping another journal. I have been trying to take better care of myself. The better news is to come yet.

I met this girl. This sweet girl at my work. Her name is Katrina and she is just so sweet and pretty. Her voice, I get to hear it during work and it is so enchanting. It's great. I asked her out on a date and she said yes. Nothing has made me feel so elated. I feel like I am on some kind of wonderfully comfortable cloud. I can't wait to see where things go from here on out.

Truly, the lesson is that when you think one door shuts, another wonderful door opens in its place. Isn't that the truth?

Current Location: Down in the lairs of the basement
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: The quiet hum of the laptop computer

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May 19th, 2011
07:03 am

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Closure
I have been thinking about a certain girl I knew from college. I didn't know her that well, but, I certainly have been harboring a major crush on her since... it looks like 2003. That's too long to hold onto anything,really. So, I went onto my MySpace account to check her out. I knew she was on there, but, she hadn't friended me. Her profile indicated that she didn't use MySpace anymore. Anyways, long story short, she uses LJ like a lot of other people. I had signed up previously from the encouragement of influential family members. I read her posts and discovered something about her, well, a few things about her. She is so insightful, and so happy. Not that I had any choice, but, I guess, it was then and there that I decided to let her go. I don't want to take anyone's happiness away, especially a sweet girl like Abi. I think that I have discovered something about myself too. I want to be in love, but, first, I want to be in love with me. I think that first, I need to love myself again. I need to start making better decisions involving my life. My health, my career, what I choose to spend my time doing. It's always so hard making change. I am afraid of setting myself to fail again and again and again. I think that someday I'll get it. It's just that I can't keep putting things off anymore. It's time to move on and leave the past in the past. What that exactly means and entails in my life, I'm not sure, but, I think it means something. I've been making plans off and on, but, I think it's time for me to stick to them at the very least. I don't know. I'm just rambling. I think I've run out of things to say. I don't want to lie to myself any more and say that'll be the last time I ever do that, but, from here on out, I'm going to try to avoid a few of those things. I know this seems kind of vague, but, at least I know what I am talking about. Cheers! By the way, I stole that from Brynja, and I am willing to wager that she won't pop on her and complain any time soon.

Current Location: Basement
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: quiet hum of the computer

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January 24th, 2011
01:03 am

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Enough is enough
Holy C and H! That's supposed to be heck and crap. Okay, now that I have said the two words, I guess there was no need to abbreviate the two words as a form of censorship. Okay, so, seriously, it's been years since I've written on this website? What the heck happened? Also, I took the liberty of reading my past comments. They are so hilarious, when did I stop being so freakin' funny? Did I fall out of a tree or something? I don't know if that would even cause that because seeing someone fall out of a tree would be freakin' hilarious. Anyways, so, it's the beginning of a new year and I have one goal after reading the previous comments that I have once written before and that is for me to be funnier. I don't know how, but, I intend on being much more funnier. That's right, you heard more funnier. Just say it over and over again until the words grate in your ears because more funnier isn't gramatically correct. Okay, so, anyways, now I'm glad that I have that declared and taken care of. I'm going to be funnier and that's all there is to it. Baby, I'm back! Peace out, girl scout!

Current Location: downstairs basement in my bedroom
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: quiet hum of the laptop in front of me

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October 5th, 2007
12:53 pm

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Stellar day
Man, today was such a freakin awesome day! I had a midterm in my statistics class and I think that I aced it. I was kind of worried this morning that I wouldn't be able to do well on the test because I didn't know the material. It was one of those things where you look at the study guide and you say to yourself, "Yeah, I got this, I understand it.", and then, bam, the test comes along and tells you "Unh, unh sucka." Well, the great thing was that the study guide was exactly like the test. It was a pretty cool feeling. Today is Friday, and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Conference is this weekend, and I'm stoked to hear the prophet and the apostles. So, yeah, today isn't over yet, but I'm thinking that it's going to be sweet.

Haha, what's so funny is that I have so much energy, and I am listening to the Step Up Soundtrack in the library. I'm about to bounce off the chair and start dancing. Maybe. Anyways, I gotta go.

Current Location: USU Library
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Step Up Soundtrack

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October 2nd, 2007
02:12 pm

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What is happiness?
I'm just curious, what do you think happiness is?
Well, I think in its simplest terms that happiness is living well and doing well. First, I would distinguish between living and doing as doing well is an action, while living well is a state of being. I believe in God, and so I believe that doing well and living well implies that you are following God's commandments. I believe that following God's commandments leads to the greatest good. I believe that God is omniscient (all-knowing) and thus, has the capacity of understanding what is the greatest good. I believe that God is omni-benevolent (all-good) and thus, is disposed to doing the greatest good. Also, I believe that God is omnipotent (all-powerful) and is capable of enforcing the greatest good. Considering that God is omniscient, omni-benevolent and omnipotent, I believe that following God's commands leads to this happiness.
But, the question never was about what leads to happiness, but rather what is happiness. I will say that I subscribe to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Imagine, if you will, a pyramid where the base of which represents are most "base"-ic (nice play on words, eh?) These are the needs that people have throughout their lives (from conception to death). The basic needs are nourishment (food, water, air to breath), attention (hopefully positive), interaction with people (I believe that being alone is detrimental to the human psyche), feeling secure, and feeling loved. This list is not exhaustive (not listing all of the things listed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs). As children, the source of happiness comes from fulfillment of these needs usually on a daily basis. And, as we grow older, our needs expand, including social interaction (on a greater scale than the previously listed positive action), social identity, and all these needs that are developed with age, until the peak of or the apex of the hierarchy is the need to be self-actualized. With self-actualization, comes this idea that you understand completely of who you are, what your purpose is, what you are capable of doing, etc. I would say that few people are truly self-actualized in this life. But, I believe that those who are self-actualized are fundamentally happy. They are in essence living their lives aware of themselves and their capacities. So, if I must borrow someone else's ideas to explain my own thoughts, I will say that self-actualization is happiness. I relate that to my current beliefs in God that those who follow God completely can become self-actualized and happy.
I have been also thinking about today, is happiness being in a state of bliss or joy in a world without wrong-doing? Or, is it the being in a state of bliss or joy in a world with wrong-doing, and despite being in a world of wrong-doing, still choosing to do well and be well? I am currently undecided on this matter. I would see how there are arguments for one and arguments for the other.
Anyways, I was just wondering, I think it would be cool, if anyone had any thoughts that they wanted to share, they could. Well, have fun thinking about it!

Current Location: In the computer lab at USU library
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: quiet clicking of keys

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February 10th, 2007
08:58 am

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My new song
Over the last week, I have been feeling melancholy and a bit of anger. The last entry was evidence of that. If you haven't read it, DON'T. You probably won't like what it has to say. But, my mood has changed since then. I feel a lot better. I have come to grips of what I need to do, and I will leave it like that.

But, yesterday, on Friday, I wrote a new song. I really like it and I wanted to share it with everyone. It's only lyrics right now, but inside I am processing a tune for it. I just need to take the time to tinker around on the piano. The song is called Stay.

Verse 1:
There you were just lying inside of your bed.
I bent over and kissed your head.
I knew deep inside, that I could not linger.
I wanted to stay, but I had to go.
For with or without you, I have no control.
But, all I really wanted, was to just linger.

Hook:
Oh, those words that I wanted you to say
To bring light to my life, on my darkest day.
If only it was to be this way.

Chorus:
Stay, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day?
So please, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day?

Verse 2:
Late that night, I walked all alone.
I took the subway and rode it all the way home.
But, somehow, you didn't come after.
I waited and waited, and anticipated.
All of those things you said, I demonstrated.
Without you, life really doesn't matter.

Hook:
Oh, those words that I wanted you to say
To bring light to my life, on my darkest day.
If only it could just be this way.

Chorus:
Stay, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day?
So please, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day.

Verse 3:
I went to my bed and knelt by the side.
A feeling came over me to lay down my pride.
And I knew that I should have lingered.
My thoughts turned to wishes, like waters filled with fishes.
How I would have liked to make you my missus.
And next time, I promise that I will linger.

Hook:
Oh, those words that I wanted you to say
To bring life to my life on my darkest day.
Now if only you would come here and say.

Chorus:
Stay, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day?
So, please, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day.

Repeat until fade:
Stay, just stay.
Be with me, all night and day.

I hope you guys like it, let me know if it's any good. I will be working on the tune to go with it.

Current Location: Downstairs in front of the computer
Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: Tune of the song that I just wrote

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December 13th, 2006
11:26 pm

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Where should I work
Well, tomorrow is the last day of finals and a sad reality rears its ugly head. I need money. So, I've decided to pick up a more regular part-time job. There are a lot of options for me. And ultimately its up to me and the employer to decide where I will work. But.. I would like the faithful blog suscribers to vote on what I should go for in a job. I will list the possible options and then you can decide on them. Be warned one of these is a gag option. Please do not vote seriously on the gag option.

A.) Border's Bookstore
B.) Electronic Boutique
C.) A emcee at McDonalds
D.) PacSun

Let me know on your choices. I will calculate the totals when everyone has voted. Thank you very much.

Current Location: Computer chair in front of my mom's computer
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme music

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December 12th, 2006
01:21 pm

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Another final bites the dust...
Today was a good day thus so far. I say thus so far because it's only 1:07 in the afternoon. This morning I completed a final in my Biology class at 7:30 am. There is an actual 7:30 in the morning. I wouldn't have believed it until I experienced it. I was actually unsure whether I would be capable of getting up early to get ready and be at the school at 7:30 am. For that reason, I chose to not sleep the entire night before. That is correct! I stayed up all night. I haven't yet fallen asleep, although, while riding on the bus, I have nearly done so. I watched horrendous informercials with my sister. There was absolutely nothing on. I'm not much of a clubber and this is Utah, so going out wasn't an option. I didn't want to fall asleep because I had crossed the line to which it is risky for a person to fall asleep if he or she wanted to wake up in a few hours. Towards the wee late night, or early morning as it really was, I watched two episodes of Angel. That show has really good qualities to it such as Charisma Carpenter as Cordelia, eh? Oooookay, I took my test this morning and I feel that I did mediocre. On a side note, the word mediocre doesn't sound mediocre, it sounds very negative. That irony is amusing to me. Just like the word, "onomatopoeia" isn't spelled the way that it is sounded. Weird, huh? Nonetheless, I feel that I passed my exam, and I am excited for the coming end of the semester. I get sell back the books which I purchased this thursday, and I will set up an appointment to meet with the counselor to decide what classes I NEED to take next semester. I have two more finals, one in Historic Interiors, and one in my Civilizations class (both of them are humanities classes). Well, I have a short story that I should be working on, and I have given myself a deadline of at least writing five new pages a day. We shall definitely see about that. Keep it real folks, keep it real. - Joe

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December 10th, 2006
10:09 pm

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Age of enlightenment
This last week for me has certainly been enlightening. A good cousin of mine has prompted me to write in my live journal. So, in accordance with her prompting, I have decided to entreat her. Perhaps it might be the grape juice, haha, or the due to the fact that I have spent this last week typing a research paper that my vernacular is different. All kidding aside, this last week has been be enlightening, especially today.

During this last week, I've maintained a few of the changes that I have wanted to make in my life. A lot of them have been that I wanted to draw closer to God. These changes weren't terribly severe, but they have certainly made the difference. I feel more positive and better about things right now. Also, this attitude adjustment may have to do with the upcoming calendar of the year. Christmas is coming! I am excited to have school off and I am glad to be free for a couple of weeks. In addition, I have finding a job to look forward too. Yes! My life has meaning! So exciting. I am one of the few (few indeed) whose character is defined by their job. It was during this last week that I was working on a research paper. With the previous research papers I have told myself that I would never put it off until the last minute again. Unfortunately I have broken that promise with myself. I was able to finish it and I do think I did well. Tomorrow, I have a final in my Calculus class, and I feel like I am ready for it. I like that feeling! That feeling so rocks! So, my giddyness has reached its apex, or maybe not. Anyways, I just wanted to say that things have been going well for me.

Current Location: At home on a chair
Current Mood: chipperchipper

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